Understanding of Self
Which number of these women do you think you are? I mean how do you think your body looks?
It is a well known fact that we as women are bombarded with expectations as to looks and weight all the time. We have now come so far that there is actually are women that are so thin that a -2 size is a reality! I think it's scary! If you put this picture in front of women - and girls too - and ask them which one they are, chances are that they will pick one that is NOT reality! They choose one that is bigger than they are in real life! SO - which one did you pick? Now, try again and be honest!!
This is interesting in a world of selfies and Facebook and perfect lives, that we actually have no idea how we look! We can mould the perception of our petty bourgeois boring every day routines into whatever we want - but we still cannot percieve ourselves in a honest and loving light! Even if we KNOW the struggles and fights and issues we have, we are STILL our own toughest critic with NO REGARDS for the rich and complex inner life we have! WE are always much harder on ourselves than we would EVER be towards anybody else!
For me I think I'm a 7 on this picture; I've always been too big and taken too much space - also in my personality. I have got very little pictures from my childhood and the ones I have from my adult(ish) life are often with grimaces and covering parts of or my entire body.
I am almost 50, have lived a lot on diets and hoping for a quick fix for my body; how come nobody has found a medical solution for people who are lazy, loves snacks, bacon and beer!? They would've been my heroes!
Since I've started my yoga path I've stuggled with my perception of myself. It didn't help that I also ride a bike, and that the two ways - yoga and bike - just can't be connected! I don't look like or act as a normal yoga teacher (yes, I know, I'm quite judgemental!), loving meat and beer. It just doesn't add up, does it!? But after cutting of all of my hair I suddenly saw myself for the first time - "Oh, THERE you are!" I remember saying out loud. So I decided to have some pictures done to see how I looked; am I really a Yogini? Am I a teacher and do I "look the part", how am I percieved? At the end of February I was at the new Studio B, Bertrange Luxembourg being a part of an open doors day - and this day I had a photo shadow with me to catch the essence of me as a teacher.
And I was so surprised seeing the pictures of me. I was anxious before they were sent to me, and it did take a while before I showed it to my friends. I needed to have a look first, learn to see with an objective eye, not just to see the wrinkles, my extra tires, bumps and bulges around my waste, hips and thighs or the size of my angel wings (yes, you know! The ones women have on their arms - yes , I realise I'm doing it again! Being not-loving towards myself in this desciption!
Then I saw the person in the pictures. I saw the passion in her eyes, the deep concentration and joy that came through to me and felt very grateful, humble and happy.
I was immensely proud and started to see MORE than the body; I saw the energy behind it and I thought "Yes - I AM a Yogini! I AM a yoga teacher! I AM an inspiration to others!"
I know I like my job. Even love it. I see it as a present and a great opportunity for me to be able to share what I know about this magnificent contraption called our body, anatomy and physiology. I like to share how I feel when I do yoga, how it has changed my life and how to integrate it in your daily life.
After all, it's not the weekly yoga class that will change your life; it's the yoga in your every day life that will change it!
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