Men-o-pause

A pause from men.... in German it's "Wechseljahren" - the years where you're changing. In Danish it's "Overgangsalder" - the age of transition. "... being adolescent, only with money", as one of my friends once said.

Orcas, elephants and humans are the 3 species where most females live remarkably longer than the male population, and in the tribes or herds there are a designated female to be the strongest, The Matriark. Even more curious is the fact, that when men are widowed they often wither and die, not being able to live on without the company of his wife....... whereas women often bloom, become more powerful and many state "to have found a new lease of life!" 

So my thought is that we as women are the strongest and truest edition in the last part of our life! The first part of life is concentrated on fitting in, finding a mate, making family - second part is being there to provide for house and family, making a safe space for husband and children (all along with a full time job!) - and the third part is where we find ourselves again; changing into what I would call our truest self! Where we do what we want to do FOR OURSELVES! We are no longer the wife of, or the mother of, or the responsible for....... we simply become ourselves! 

Let me play with this idea a little; maybe this is what we're supposed to become? Not the perfect wife or friend or mother or sister......? No - what if all these roles we have until we transition - go into menopause, Wechseljahren or overgangsalder - are roles were supposed to learn from BECOMING ourselves? Where we are nothing more than SELF!

Many biologists have tried to find out why the before mentioned species have this huge part of female population; and they've come to the conclusion that we, as females, are important for the survival of our species! 

We carry knowledge! We carry experience! Our history shared by the fire. I do believe that as women, being able to carry and give birth, are the closest vessel to both Life & Death. When a woman is giving birth she is also touching the veil of Death, as she is risking dying bringing this new life into our world.

We are different!

I see women are circles; they put their round arms around the children to keep them safe and loved. They are the point of contact for the family, gathered and sitting in safety around the fire that the women maintain. We are having monthly bleedings, we are waves of emotions and ever reoccuring rings. Men are arrows; strong and focused as to make sure their family is safe. They dare to go out and hunt to take care of all needs of their family, also when in danger. They are alert to any threats and they are highly strung and ready to fight.

I believe we as women are more humble in our understanding Life and that our respect for how to navigate this life is something we share. Think about it; if you need advice as how to navigate a difficult situation - who would you ask? Women are prone to listening and helping you seeing things from different perspectives (while gossiping....) Men are solution-seeking. Why? I think it comes from the difference I just described; women need to be able to problemsolve in an environment "in house"/around the fire/in the family. Men look at a problem and think: "Can I fix it? No? Then it's not a problem!"

It doesn't mean men are not humble or not understanding - I just think we have different ways of "doing Life".

In the Native American tradition when you stopped being able to reproduce the older part of the tribe welcomed the women into the circle of wise women, showing deep understand for the new role of the female as a haven of knowledge and wisdom.

I've stepped into this space now, so have many of my friends...... and I must say it takes a lot of courage, a lot of calm love and a lot of time to find my feet in this part of my life! 

Because - I feel wrong in my body! I can't control my emotions, I get sad or angry at any time! Or maybe I fall over laughing because of something my friend said years ago i just remembered, or I'm too hot/too cold/I don't like the smell of my body .. and I would rather sit at home with my cat than be peopling..... basically, I can't say yes to an invite as I don't know if my body is allowing me to hang out or not!

So - yes, it definitely feels as if I'm going through puberty again!!! As if it wasn't horrible enough to go through once!!!??

What I miss is a circle of older wise women to share experiences with, to get good advice from or just to roll my eyes with. Someone who understands that I'm not sick when I look flustered, I'm just having a flush, they reach into a bag and lend me fan. They don't judge me when I suddenly want to go home because my clothes are too confining.... they have all been there, they know... they KNOW!!!

The only thing that keeps me sane is that my experience tells me, that this too shall pass!! That it is just a rite I have to pass and that time will be on my side!!