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The Change

September 13, 2019

I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of going into menopause! To be a part of the circle of wise women in the tribe, the ones others seek when in need of advice about life, death, love, and all in between. I celebrated and looked forward to my 40th birthday; I did a big party when I turned 39, because now there was only a year left before I finally - FINALLY!! – would join the circle of forty-agers (…. behaving like teenagers, just with money!), where you don’t take others opinion too much into consideration, where you have the understanding of what YOU want, and you have the guts – and understanding – to just do it, as the Nike advert says! Now I am 48 and I am going through The Change.

 

So – it was a massive surprise to me that I wasn’t feeling too good about it all when I really started having heat waves, mood swings, dental problems and pains in joints and just generally being tired. Suddenly the allure of The Change had disappeared. I didn’t like the massive heat changes in my body, the pains in my feet and knees and I was embarrassed about constantly falling asleep on the couch when I finally had time to be with my husband. And I certainly didn’t like the feeling of losing my body!

 

On top of that I had a big operation this summer, had an ovary removed and some scarring from an earlier operation on the inside. I fell into a pothole in the Road of Life and it’s difficult to get out again!

 

I’ve always been extremely – and too – critical about myself and my appearances; but now it became worse! Doing my yoga, I felt it was really a huge step back to begin after the operation again and I had no core power and stamina. Everything I took for granted I could do….. it was gone! Things and poses I did with no further thought and problems just a couple of months ago I find myself having to re-learn! Especially balancing poses such as Tree Pose.

 

And now I’m here on the threshold of menopause (this blog is written at 01.28 AM, Friday the 13th, and we have a full moon!) …. I’ve found out I don’t like it, The Change! The heat, not sleeping, mood swings and the inexplicable aches and pains. I didn’t imagine it to be like this! I wanted to become part of The Wisdom Circle with grace and relief. I wanted to be happy and looking forward to it!

 

One thing I do like is the urge to withdraw from the everyday hustle and bustle. I could very happily just stay in my garden all day tending to plants, reading, sleeping or doing yoga. Also, when I’m to meet close friends or doing things I really like to do…… I find myself just thinking “oh… wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have too go out? Then I could just stay in and do nothing!” I feel as if I sometime must talk myself into doing stuff, I know I like instead of sitting at home in my cave and just observe Life as it moves past the opening, not really being a part of it!

One of the things I have felt having an impact on my way back to my own body has been the meditation path in yoga. The mental strengthening in yoga. Accepting myself as I am and to love myself. It is still a work in progress, but I am on my way.

 

 

The most difficult part for me is to lose my strength and feel of my body! It has taken many years for me to get to where I am, and I must admit I feel a bit discouraged right now! I put on weight extremely fast. My skin has a mind of its’ own and suddenly my face is as pimply as a teenager in heat – while the skin in other parts is droopy as my grandmothers’….. if everything could synchronize that would just be great!

 

One thing I have realized is that I am too hard on myself. I need to be loving in my attitude towards my path and the speed that I am travelling. Maybe that’s why I have this strong feeling that I need to be in my cave, to have moments of Insights like that?

 

Another realization is that you might think “Oh, that’s my yoga teacher! She is sooo cool! She must have everything under control I mean – she’s a yoga teacher!” The truth is, it is quite the opposite! I am possibly the one with the most issues to work through, I have more potentials than any of my clients and I’m dealing with it every day of the week – in yoga class and outside of yoga class! So I’m hoping that “The Change” means that I suddenly understands everything much better!

 

Want to know more about menopause? Check this out: 

 https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/menopause-basics

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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