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Friendship

June 6, 2018

 

My ex used to say I was a terrible friend. The fact that I didn't have any friends from my childhood clearly proved it! It was often said that I didn't put in enough work to maintain the relationships I had, that I was egocentric and didn't give people around me the benefit of the doubt.  

 

That is what he said - and stupid me, I believed him! It meant that I cut off people from my life that he didn't like (I didn't realise until after my divorce!) and I let others have a hold over me that wasn't justified. I kept on bending over backwards for some friends because I absolutely HATED! the idea of being called a horrible friend.

 

2011 I left him. I was alone - by living and working some 800 miles from my friends, having dissed my family as he didn't like them and by holding on to friends that was manipulating me and turning me into a follower of them! It was a religion and I was to see The Right Way.

 

Maybe you know of these people? They are strong, share everything with you, talk about others around their backs, they seemingly support you - but they also cannot tolerate you having your own opinion, and they get moody if you don't share everything in your inner with them.

 

These last few years I have cut down drastically on the people around me, the few and close ones I have now I know I can trust! I even get stressed by facebook notifications on how many friends you have because how can I have so many friends? Somewhere I once read that if you're lucky you'll have a circle of 5 around you; if the circle becomes smaller, that is fine - but it's difficult to let it grow without the quality of the contact becoming slightly impaired. And as it said if you have 5, then you're in luck!

 

As I've grown older my circle has become smaller - I don't need people around me all the time to not feel lonely! I don't need to talk every day! I don't need to see people every day - but I do as I work therapeutically with people. But I seem to enjoy the stillness much more that when I was young. 

 

I don't need to share my life and inner thoughts wih people. I need to share with people that matters, people that I want to know because I value their opinion or their perspective. And sometimes it feels as if I have an enormous secret, the knowledge of Knowing, and I like the feeling I get when I don't share!

 

So, what I need you might ask; my yoga practice, meditation, laughs with close friends, good food, quiet times with people I love....... I feel as if my life hs become richer and have more quality as I get older. And I like it! Time has anohter feel - I know I'll get to do things when the time is right, no hurry! I like that!

 

The friendship I have been working most with these last years is the friendship with my self! And I like that!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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