Love is hard work!
I’ve been sick the last couple of weeks and as it was “only” a sore throat, I soon became extremely bored being at home, doing nothing! I HATE being sick like that, because you’re not bed ridden, you just get tired really fast and need a lie down, so I really felt out of my game. Soon I’d watched ALL the series in the world, and I didn’t know what to do with myself to pass time…. but luckily for me there was a discussion on “Married at first sight” as series began its’ 6th season in my home country, about the science of the show.
I watched it – all of it, also the old ones…. Yeah, I was extremely bored and not very critical! I found myself thinking “But why do they continue this series? They’ve only had 2 pairs staying together out of all the ones they matched. Out of all the pairs they by the help of science, worksheets, questionnaires and computer-based software – “Oh, we REALLY like your match because on paper you should fit quite well together. You’ve got the same values, political views and ideas and in your spare time you both like to do fitness/read/be with your family/etc.”……. there has only been 2 – TWO – pairings that were successful!
Why is that? How come that it works on paper, but NOT in real life?
In my opinion I think we try to give the responsibility to the computers and worksheets too much - then have an excuse if it goes wrong! And THAT is wrong in my mind! I can only speak from my own experiences, but I strongly believe that we as a human race is not taking enough responsibility for anything – and when you don’t do that in your everyday life how are we supposed to do it for our life, our world or our future??
I went on a dating site; with the number of hours I put in my job I would never have found someone to share my life with – and I did NOT want to date a colleague! I filled out all the questionnaires, was extremely specific with what I wanted, wished and hoped for – and I put it out there!
I had loads of replies, many just for sex, some I chatted with, some I met – but none of them was a perfect fit for my huge list of “wants”, so I dismissed them all! I thought “OK! I’m not supposed to be in a couple, sadly! I am meant to be single!” and I started settling in that life. I started checking travel and work opportunities, maybe I wanted to relocate or try something completely different! Sad, but alas – it was to be my cross to bear, even if I longed to be in a relationship.
I gave up! I stopped looking.
….. and then I got an email. I don’t remember precisely what it said, but the gist of it was: “Actually, I’m not a match for you because I am too old, too short and I also smoke. I live quite long way away, too – but I really liked your profile!” He was not at all what I was looking for, he was interested in cars and bikes, a handy man, a fixer and happiest in work clothes.
Today we’ve been together for 6 years, married for 4 – we have no children, but an array of cars and motorbikes, loads of yoga mats, guitars and model aero planes. We “parent” 2 cats and that’s quite enough!
If I had chosen to use my checklist for what I wanted in a partner – I would never have had what I have now! Because I simply couldn’t imagine my life as it is now. And my life has become richer!
Is it easy? No, not always! There are times that are stressful, tiresome, boring and just plain hard work! Do we give up? No – we keep om working to better this “Our Life” that we have chosen.
I have realized that I’m not the perfect partner. Neither is he, but we are – in all our glorious imperfection – perfect for each other!
My point is that you cannot put love and relationship through a worksheet on the computer and then count on that it will work! You need the one thing the computer cannot apply: the quirky and complicated mind of a human being. The decision to “work through difficulties”, or the willingness of compromise when you realize you can’t change this annoying habit he or she has. The work that you put in your relationship because you choose it! This is a factor that cannot be measured or put into The Equation of Love.
Many people look for The Perfect Partner…. but who is to decide exactly what that is? And again – who is to say if that perfect partner will assure you of a long and healthy life together?
It’s time we took responsibility for our lives again! With that responsibility, also the power over our own lives. Be clear about what you want IN YOUR SELF – and not want – and go for it! No other person will make you happy if you aren't happy in you!
You, my friend, are far more capable of finding the perfect life for you than any computer is – you should trust your instincts