Morning meditation on Varkala Beach 9th of February with Lulu from Argentina and Lili from Holland - part of my yogic family.
After returning from my yoga teacher training in India in February I was so very sure THIS! was the year my yoga business was going to bloom! I was full of new ideas, inspiration, love and happiess, and I just wanted to change the world with yoga!
Less than a month after I returned I found myself going into what I consider the longest retreat I have ever been on - and that involountarily! The world stopped revolving and suddenly I heard sound from my surroundings that I never knew were there!
The first couple of weeks were ok. I was still "landing" after coming home, settling into being away from my yogic family I formed such strong bounds with throughout our training. Suddenly I didn't get to see people who travelled the same path as me, faced the same frustration, tiredness, insights and tears with me. And the temperature was almost 30 degrees apart and I found it difficult to breathe because of all the clothes I had to wear.
My husband worked the first couple of weeks.... but things changed and suddenly I found myself cooped up in my little house all the time - with my husband. All the time! Don't get me wrong! I love my husband, he's a very nice one, I must say - but it was a bit extreme to go from not having seen him for 4 weeks into staying with him for ALL HOURS IN THE DAY! He worked from home, used all internet for his work related conferences and gadgets - and whenever he had time he watched ALL programmes that had something to do with motors, cars, bikes, aeroplanes......
Talk about extremes!!
He's an introvert - for him this lock-down was a breathing space, time for him to re-find his calmness, good sleep patterns and lower his blood pressure - and just be a more agreable, happier, calmer edition of himself.
I thought I was an introvert, too..... turns out I'm not! Within the first 2 weeks I had cleaned all cupboards, and all cabinets throughout the house was rearranged, floors washed down.... even cleaned the keys on my piano with cotton buds.... and I started crawling the walls! I am an extrovert. I love to connect, learn, see, teach and just pure BE with people!
I found myself having more time for reflection than I ever thought I'd ever have. I found myself going through "old sh*t" even back from my childhood, friendships I've lost came up for a rethink. Did I owe any apologies? Any wrongdoings I needed to right? Regrets? Anyone I wasn't a good friend to, and I should have the respect towards to be honest and end it?
I felt as if I was in a week-long therapy session, and not in a good way. No easy way out of it, no therapist I could sweet talk to "get out of it easy"! No. Just constant work in and around me, and at night my dreams were lucid and I felt as if I'd run a marathon next morning.
At some point I thought - what if you could turn this upside down! See everything in another perspective? What if this was the way for me - and the world - to get time to do things we hadn't had the time or space to do until now? If the situation could be looked upon as good, then what? Then suddenly I realised that I had time to do that youtube channel I've been wanting to do for years; Yogahjerte Accessible yoga - check it out! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBSzz9qdMDnc5t68uRiVIVQ. I've always had a dream about learning to run and find satisfaction in it! Not a marathon, just a couple of miles to feel my body working. Proud to say I'm on my way - inspired by my sister! I started working for my local counsel, shopping for elderly people; and when I went for a walk I brought a black plastic back to dispose of the trash I found on my way. I starting checking up on my neighbours to make sure they were ok - and if they needed some help for something. I've shied-away from all the news channels, because I didn't really need to get wound up by media as well. Wise choice!
Now I am here - 3 months in - and I'm actually hoping that we won't "go back to real life". I think the effects of this lock-down will be life altering because it's the whole world that has been in this energy; the entire human race has been in a collective retreat. I wonder what this retreat would have been called? "World Wide Wisdom"? "Awakening"?
I hope this IS real life. The connection with my local village, the people that lives nearby, I haven't had a paycheck for weeks - but on the other side, I haven't used the same amount of money. I'm still doing yoga and yoga therapy - but not in full scale and not able to touch my clients. I've found a part time job, doing menial work - no stress, no responsibilities, don't need to be of a certain behaviour..... I can just put my ear plugs in and do my job, listening to podcasts or audio books..... and then the yoga becomes a welcome change in my life! I think I have become a better yoga teacher learning this! Just liek I think the world has become a better place to be!
