Yes. I know. My latest blog was about giving up my dreams. And I did - give up, I mean!
I lost all desire to teach and to do yoga. All I wanted to do was lie on my sofa and watch television..... and I mean ALL the television in the world! So I did that for a while. Abandoned my teaching, my literature, journaling, and also my own practice. I decided that if yoga didn't want me, I didn't want yoga!
I really tried to settle in a normal daily life with washing, cleaning, working a normal job - becoming tired in my body because I was to lift and move heavy things.... and if I squinted I could nearly see a life without yoga, almost imagine to not be a total addict, even if it was for what yoga teaches me every day.
It didn't work. The more I tried to turn my back on it, the more the yoga and the yoga therapy came looking for me; suddenly I was contacted by people wanting private classes with me, clients wanting to see if I indeed could help them with their physical problems such as Alzheimers, after cancer-treatments, stress or tinnitus. Reluctantly I said yes - while doubting my own abilities - not expecting any big "woohoo"-moments. I didn't make any flyers, I didn't advertise; no, people came to me because they had heard about me and about my way of working with clients and they recommended me.
The more I saw clients in all aspects, the more I felt stressed and unsatisfied in my "normal" life job, but I kept soldiering on as I'm very proud and have high morals - I'd taken this job on, and I would stay on!! Basta!
But I don't think my body had gotten that memo.... it starting falling a bit apart again. I lifted something wrongly and I went and tore a ligament. After that was fixed I starting having problems with my back because of the lifting. One morning I woke up and realized that the pain I had in my body was there ALL THE TIME now. That I suddenly couldn't remember what it was like to not have a pain in my lower back. "OK", I thought "Well, my body will keep on fighting me on this if I don't listen!" I went to my boss that day and resigned.
That is around 3 months now. And my body is stronger and more balanced. I don't do yoga every day, but I try to be active and move, I try to balance out the calm of the yoga with a little run every week or 10 days - I'm not fanatical about it. I try to NOT have a schedule I have to follow - but to follow my body in what it needs!
No. I don't make a lot of money - but slowly I've built my week up so that I have private clients and also group classes and I make a living of it. I teach English and French also, and I found out that I am truly a teacher! I love to teach, help people get the "AHA" experience and that doesn't matter if its in yoga or in another subject!
As my teacher, Yogi Sivadas, in 2016 said "But Fleur! Some people are teachers! And you are a teacher - so you'll do your certificate!"
I also have learned gratitude - because the good Life I so adore and love, this Life I'm living right now would not be accessible for me if I hadn't had the support and love from my husband to say that I could go and pursue my dreams!! Thank
I didn't realize it - but I am living my dream now. By giving up I found out what was really my path, and by following my heart and trusting it I'm living my dream.
How amazing is that!?