And a Happy New Hair
I've always had issues with my hair. The last many years I've only combed it when I was at the hairdressers (every 6-8 weeks!), I only rustled it up with my fingers and shaken my head, looked in the mirror thinking ".... yeah..... well, doesn't get any better, now does it!!?"
I have never been happy about the way I look. I'm 180 metres tall, big in body and personality - too big many has said - curvaceous, loud in speech and choices. Many years I have tried to "fit it", be smaller, say less, dress down and cover myself up! Once when I bought a new car - bright orange one - the girl working in the office said "Well, it's just like you, isn't it!!?" - and she was right!
I've always been on a diet. I've always tried to be the person I thought people wanted me to be, smaller in the world. I've kept my mouth shut many a time where I was run over by other people, hurting myself more that anyone. No, I have not been the girl who was standing in front of the mirror doing make up, hair, singing in a hair brush. I didn't like what I saw. I haven't got any photos of myself from childhood; I never liked the person I saw! Even now I only kept 2 pictures of me; one from when I am 11 months and one where I am 4.
SO - New Years Day I decided, after many years of wanting to try it, to cut off all my hair. Why? I wanted to see if the power of you IS in your hair. When my mother got diagnosed with cancer the first thing she did was buy a wig! She really didn't want to lose her hair and I remember wondering about why.
In the morning I found the trimmer, put it to my forehead, took a breath and ran it through my hair. Immediately after I heard myself shriek "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!"
Suddenly, standing there with a path of bare head, I paniced and really, really, REALLY wanted to put it back on!..... and then, very shortly after, I thought "Eh, it'll grow out! I can wear a hat for 6 months!" and I started the trimmer again and did the rest. For every lane of hair I cut off and felt the cool air on my head - I felt uplifted! As if I was on a high! I felt the power in cutting of all this "old shit", cleaning my head and by that my setting for 2018, thus my old patterns and thoughts! For the first time I really felt as if I got ready for a New Year!
I stood there, bathrobe, house all dark and quiet, and turned the trimmer off. And looked at myself. MYSELF for the first time in my life I actually felt as if I saw myself. And I saw a strong, powerful and beautiful woman, calm and clean. I was surprised when my thoughts surfaced; "Oh, there I am! I've got a beautiful and catching smile, and my eyes really are pretty! THAT'S ME, just me!" For the first time in many moons I felt like doing my make up, put on jewelry and dress nicely. And use my hats that I haven't used enough! I found myself and wanted to spend quality time with me!
My outlook on life and my place in it has changed; I felt calm and strong. I feel at home. I am proud of what I am and have accomplished through my life. I am me and happy about it!
It is now 5 weeks, and I've cut it off again! I found myself seeking the "high" I got, trying to have that elevated feeling again! But no, didn't work! It only works once then!! But I HAVE experinced it, lucky me!
And how have people reacted; well, differently! Some of course thought that I had cancer. They find it difficult to understand that a woman has cut off her hair voluntarily! Others knew of my obsession with trying it and they really applauded it, saying it was different and courageous. Some of my clients very carefully asked why and sighed in relief hearing the story. Some shouted "BUT WHYYYYYYY!!!! Yet others said it suited my yogi personality! And my husband, who didn't know ANYTHING, came into the bathroom, saw all the hair in the sink, just looked at me and blinked. He blinked for a couple of days and then commented very quietly - after I directly asked him - that he was looking forward to it growing just a bit longer!!